It’s amazing what you can do with spin. Chevy Chase Bank is promoting a major deficiency as a feature of the All Access Chevy Chase Check Card. The latest promotion leads you to believe they are simplifying your life by putting all your bank accounts onto one piece of plastic. They equate it to being able to carry your entire music library around in your pocket.

Here’s the difference: it would be like being able to carry your entire music library around in your pocket, but only being able to listen to one song. You can have as many as you want on the MP3 player, but you can only ever listen to the first song, (unless you went online or to a kiosk or on the phone and requested that your MP3 player switch a different song to the first song position).

The All Access Chevy Chase Check Card does bundle all your accounts onto one card, but forces you to choose only one account as the primary account of the card. This is the only account that can be used in the real world: at restaurants, at gas pumps, at convenience stores or at any ATM that is not a Chevy Chase ATM. The other accounts: your other Checking, your Savings, your Home Equity Loan are associated with the same card, but are completely unreachable.

The only way to get to these accounts is to call their phone system or online banking and transfer the money. This means you need to either know what you want to purchase before you go out and transfer the necessary funds from the secondary to the primary account, or have enough money in the primary account to float the bill until such time as you can get online or on the phone with the bank to make the transfer.

No matter how you slice it, it’s an inconvenient two step process - 1) paying and 2) transferring.

I contacted Chevy Chase customer service and told them that All Access was not for me, and to please de-couple my individual and joint checking accounts, and send me separate Check Cards for each. The representative, (and subsequently her supervisor and her supervisor), all gave the same response – this is not possible, it goes against Chevy Chase Bank policy.

I was astounded to find out this wasn’t an oversight, but a policy, and am more appalled to hear it now being spun by their marketing department as a benefit. If you are comfortable only being able to access a primary account, then it will work brilliantly for you. But if you are like me, and wish to be able to access your money from any of your accounts when you need it, you will find this mandated approach by Chevy Chase extremely frustrating.

When you get off the Metro at the bus depot at King Street station, there are six bays which have 2-3 bus lines that stop at each. The locals surely know where they are going, but what about the tourists getting off the Metro who can not or will not walk the 18 block to the waterfront? They are lost in a confusing set of identical choices. Each bus looks alike; the only differentiator is a numbering system that can only be decoded by being super-human enough to translate the line-art maps of the different bus routes. It’s an intimidating and frustrating experience.

But not anymore, enter the Old Town Trolley.

The trolley simply is the bus for the tourists. It goes straight down King Street to the waterfront, and even explains that right on the side of the vehicle. Now, when tourists get off the Metro there is no confusion of what bus number they want, they just have to look for the big red and black trolley car.

A great way to improve the tourists experience in Old Town.

I had two cards with points from the ESPNZone, one with one single point, the other with 74 points. I asked the clerk to merge the two cards together. He stated that was impossible. I submit that that is technological impasse is rather convenient for ESPN.

Because, I can not move that one point onto the card with 74 points, there are only two options:

1. It is never used, which means a small profit for ESPN Zone, or
2. I add points to the card to bring it back up to the level where I can play off all the points, which is new profit for ESPN Zone.

I recognize that a great deal of the gift card value for businesses comes from the small change that gets left behind, and if I, the customer, neglect to zero out the card, that is my own doing. But at least the legitimate retailer provides the opportunity to zero out the card. Every major retailer from clothing to bookstores to supermarkets will let you run off the remainder of a gift card and subsidize the remainder with cash or charge. ESPN Zone, on the other hand, does not give the customer any options, it just takes our money. When I asked for a clarifying statement, the clerk at the Washington DC ESPN Zone simple said, “This ain’t the Metro, you can’t trade in your cards here. What you got is what you got.”

I got hosed.

The founding brothers where I work used to have their own weekly call-in show on NPR where they learned the art of answering the caller’s question:

• Keep it brief,
• Answer the question and
• Move on.

Their reasoning was that whatever question a single individual brings to the table is typically relevant only to that person and a handful of others. Therefore, to avoid losing the majority of the group, you address their question, but not expand or pontificate, just answer it to the best of your ability and move on to the next question.

For years, my Delaware Shakespeare Festival had a central phone number, but did not have a central office or operator. So many calls got lost or responded too well too late. It was an unfortunate shortcoming that we could not find a (cost free) means of forwarding that one number to a different or even multiple other phone numbers to actually answer.

A few years late, here is GrandCentral.com. This service does exactly what I was looking for five years ago, it will give me a phone number to give out, and that number will ring any or all of my other phones (home, cell, work, wife’s cell, etc). I can program which numbers to ring and when. I am still kicking the tires on this service, but if it works as well as I anticipate, I think this is the death nail for my home phone, which I pay $35 a month to essentially have a non-cell phone number.

They are only in Beta, but I have a few “Recommend a Friend” opportunities available if you are interested.

In Macy’s at closing time, I headed for the exit that goes directly into the Metro Center station, only to find a locked door and a guard telling a confused tourist “The Metro’s closed.”  ( I assured the now frantic woman that the Metro was actually still quite open, that this guard had simply locked this door). 

How much would it cost Macy’s to keep that same guard (or one better at communicating with customers) stationed at that same door, but leave it unlocked until the store was emptied? Wouldn’t that simple act provide the convenience of allowing Metro customers to use the exit they are familiar with?  Instead Macy’s forced this tourist, and I and all their other paying customers out onto the streets of downtown DC at night to find our way back to the Metro ourselves.

Traffic on I-95 in Delaware has always been surprisingly terrible, made worse by the fact that you have to pay a two dollar toll for the privilege. So, when driving home from Delaware yesterday, I was excited to see this billboard:

DelDot is stepping up to improve the experience, dial down the congestion. I am on board. What’s the new plan? What’s the 5th lane? Upon arriving home, I quickly went to my computer to see, and disappointed and embarrassed found this:

Let’s go through what’s wrong here…

THE HOME PAGE
What it should be: A synopsis of what the project is, a map of the area it will impact and a timetable of when work will be ongoing, as well as an area for breaking or current news, such as where and when to expect construction delays.

What it is: An oversize version of the same horrid logo used on the billboard (it takes a rare stroke to make a logo that works equally poorly on both a black and white background).

THE INTERIOR PAGES:
What they should be: Presuming we want to keep the six links to different areas of known congestion in Delaware (which isn’t the best navigation, but works effectively), the subsequent pages could be a more focused look on how and why each of these areas will be impacted by the project, an explanation of where they fall in the overall timeline, and a map or diagram of what the results should look like.

What they are: Photo galleries. Each page has a series of photos of the current state of that area. No context (as in “Before” with “Projected After (coming soon)”), no explination and of no value to anyone.

I take that back, the photos and the information buried somewhere on the site about the winning bidder on the project are likely relevant information for contractors who want to ascertain as much as they can before they put in their bid. But, if the site is for contractors, then WHY BUY OUT A BILLBOARD ON 95 TO PROMOTE IT?

The costs of even one of those billboards (and there are more than one) for just one month will cost well beyond the cost of hiring a freelance web designer to properly architect, redesign and add real value to this site. And if you were thinking that perhaps DelDot will add that information once it has it defined, I will link you to this 43 page Powerpoint proposal in PDF format, buried on the site that includes relevant information, diagrams, maps, timetables and details that people will actually want to know about The 5th Lane Project.

On page 11 of the PDF it is mentions that this current state of I-95 is Level of Service F (for failing). I have to submit the same grade for current state of the I-95 DelDot website. I hope that as they put millions of dollars into fixing the former, they think to put a few hundred dollars into overhauling the latter.

Best Buy is being scrutinized for allegedly maintaining an Intranet website that completely mirrors bestbuy.com but without the deals and with marked up prices. The use of this site was by store clerks who are confronted with a customer who states that they saw a better price online, and wants to enact Best Buy’s lowest price guarantee. The clerk will walk the customer to a terminal, pull up the Intranet site and show the customer that they are mistaken, the price online is actually the same or higher.

I can’t help but being a bit wowed by the amount of sophistication and care it takes to pull this ongoing ruse on the costumers, but that novelty reaction is quickly dwarfed by the ethical one, that this is horrific, and it is sweet justice to see that the curtain is being pulled back and Best Buy being held accountable for their devious actions.

How much of your audience will you sacrifice to provide the best experience for the rest? Web designers struggle with this question in regard to determining when to cut support for a particular browser. Is Netscape with only 2% of the market share worth disregarding? How about IE 5.0 with still 20%? Would you ever be so bold as to cut out support for nearly 40% of your audience?

I wouldn’t think so, which is why I was so shocked with the staging of Jitney at the Ford’s Theatre in DC. This great new production of a classic August Wilson play, is set on a custom-built thrust stage over the first few rows of the orchestra section, the whole proscenium stage is disregarded. This directorial choice brings the action closer to the audience in the orchestra, enhancing the intimacy and intensive of the play.

But what of the 40% of seats in the balcony? I attended the production last night and had a seat in the balcony. I was losing about a third of the play due to obstructed view. I left my seat and tried another and then another. I tried six different seats in the balcony and every one was as bad as the first if now worse. This production, as compelling and intense as it may have been, could only compel the orchestra level and first row of the balcony, for the rest of us, we were the equivalent of Netscape 4, still there, but intentionally dismissed by the designers and directors of the show.

On a very full Metro ride into work this morning, the driver chided us riders in the typical fashion as he drove to the next stop.

Attention customers, when you hear the chimes the doors are closing, please do not block the doors, if you block the doors this train with be unloaded.

Every time I hear this threat, I recognize its futility. We, already on the train, are not blocking the doors, and have no motivation to do so. We, like he, wanted to see those doors close and move on with our trip.

The right audience is the people on the platform waiting to board, they are the ones who would be blocking the doors; however, addressing for them this is the wrong incentive. They selfishly are not concerned if the train de-boards. If they do not push their way onto the full train, then they are forced to wait for the next train. If the push on and cause the driver to unload, they, again, are forced to wait for the next train. But if they are able to squeeze on, and the doors still close, they get to ride this train, and get where they are going sooner.

In over a year of Metro riding, I have heard this threatening tactic again and again. Only once did I hear a driver give an incentive that actually made sense. Once, while at the station, a driver announced to those on the platform.

Attention passengers boarding this train, this train is full. There is another train directly behind this one. The sooner you let these doors close, the sooner that train can arrive to pick you up.

Surely enough, the people did not try to cram on, the doors closed and the train moved on without incident. Right audience, right incentive.